


The Autumn Court

by illyriantremors



Series: Shadowsinger: An Azriel/Moriel Fic [7]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Blood, Comfort, F/M, Naga, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyriantremors/pseuds/illyriantremors
Summary: Azriel rescues Morrigan from the seat of death in the Autumn Court where Eris has left her for dead. He then helps her begin her recovery process offering what little he can to help her cope with the pain, both physical and mental.





	

_ If I told you this was only gonna hurt. If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn. Would you walk in? Would you let me do it first? Do it all in the name of love. Would you let me lead you even when you're blind? In the darkness, in the middle of the night, in the silence, when there's no one by your side, would you call in the name of love? _

_ If I told you we could bathe in all the lights, would you rise up, come and meet me in the sky? Would you trust me when you're jumping from the heights? Would you fall in the name of love? When there's madness, when there's poison in your head, when the sadness leaves you broken in your bed. I will hold you in the depths of your despair and it's all in the name of love. _

\- Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha

* * *

The forests of the Autumn Court smelled nothing like the pine and tar of the Illyrian Mountains. Spices, like cinnamon and nutmeg, and tart apple overpowered the scent of the trees. Had I not noticed the leaves with their razored edges ready to cut at me as I flew and ran through the patchwork, stained with the deep red-wine color of fall, I might have enjoyed the warm, cozy climate of the court.

My blood sang to me that day the same way my shadows did. I could feel it pulsing against the veins in my arms and legs as I shot in and out of the skies, keeping low to avoid the notice of any onlookers from afar.

The second  _ my _ High Lord had winnowed me in only before leaving himself to escape penalty, I sent the shadows off chasing into the thick cluster of trees and took off. Any direction would do for now. My shadows and I didn’t always get along. At times I felt they had ulterior motives for me hidden behind their directions, but today they rotated in and out of me with ease bending to my every command.

_ East _ , then  _ South _ ,  _ higher, left, left, left, _ and on and on they went urging me with directions and warnings. An unsettling feeling came over me when the shadows did not bring premonitions of beast nor foe lurking in wait. They should have, but the forest was eerily still with darkness as if the Cauldron itself had been landed and froze time here forever.

But while my shadows gave me directions, my blood told the story clawing desperately -  _ terrified _ \- at my heart:  _ Find her. Find her. Find her. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Please, Mother don’t be dead... _

The second Rhysand flooded through that door, an inky wave of darkness and terror, I knew he’d come to deliver the killing blow. A week spent in the Hewn City after returning her home and he hadn’t seen her that entire time, not after the moment she passed through the court doors and her father had scented her. What little he did know, and it wasn’t much at that, was too shocking to think about.

So her father had dumped her here in the Autumn Court. She was to be Eris’ problem now even if he had sent word to her father that he wanted nothing to do with her and broken their agreement. Rhysand had warned me it would be difficult find her and the he himself couldn’t take her now that she was technically considered Eris’ own property. Stealing from another court’s heir was enough to start a war even if they were glad to see the treasure gone.

“Azriel,” he said when I’d agreed to go, as if I would have said anything otherwise. “It’s not good.” And though that was putting it mildly, the heaviness in his voice and the worry weighing down his eyes warned me what was coming.

I flew for more than a day covering what felt like nearly every square inch of that forest and even then, it wasn’t all of it. It bothered me that even starting on the opposite edges of the forest at the border of the Autumn Court, so far from where Eris would be, that it would take me so long to reach her. Why would she have been placed so deeply within the trees? Why take the trouble? Why go out of your way to hide a body you cared so little about? Why stick the knife in that much deeper?

Unless you enjoyed that sort of thing. A twisted image rotted in my mind of Eris and his brothers laughing, maybe even getting off on the idea of her body decaying in a forest surrounded by bloodthirsty beasts. Forget her name and her honor or even pissing off her bastard father for trying to stick to the agreement after they’d refused. They delighted in the simple pleasure of making a dreamer suffer by throwing her into the worst possible nightmare.

For that alone, I vowed I would slaughter them all.

It was near dawn the following morning when the shadows wrapped in close, one nasty in particular curling around my ear with an urgent whisper:  _ DOWN _ .

I dove and when I landed, I stood still listening instead of immediately taking off as I had been doing all along. Standing still made my body grow weary, but my blood was alive enough for us both. Though I found it impossible after my experiences already spent in the forest, this particular patch was quieter, more deadly still than any other I’d encountered. And there were shadows black as night and thick as death creeping in the distance - where  _ she _ was.

I didn’t wait for the whisper that told me to move  _ FORWARD _ before taking off at an all out sprint. My sword was in my hand and cutting at the beasts as my siphons gleamed with power, drawing their attention away from the victim they had just been about to enclose on. There were three of them, three of them screaming and wailing in such pain with looks of utter surprise on their serpentine faces as my blade sliced through the scales of their skin that had only manifested out of the shadows when I was close enough to cut. The talons on their limbs were gruesome and reminded me so much of Rhysand that day he’d attacked Cassian and I couldn’t stand the comparison, so I chopped those off too while the beasts fell.

The blade sliced clean with their blood spilling their lives across the mossy ground. They were the first real enemy kills my Illyrian blade made outside of the Night Court’s mountains, taking the truth of the beasts and revealing it with every swipe just as she had always been the teller of my truth.

_ Truth-Teller _ .

The new name pounded in my ears with every strike christening the sword as one by one the bodies fell.

Any other day and slaughtering the naga would have been a challenge. Any other day and it would have felt gratifying to defeat such an ancient, powerful enemy. Any other day and I would have returned home to quietly celebrate the victory, but when the bodies had all fallen and my sword went with them, all I could see was her -  _ Morrigan _ \- dying in the middle.

I thought I was dead. I should be the one lying there. Thick tears fell far past my cheeks intercepted by the blood covering her body as I fell over on my knees to feel her. The pain in my chest was unbearable and where I had denied myself her existence the past week, now her name flooded out of me in droves.

_ “Morrigan,” _ I cried.  _ “Morrigan, Morrigan, Morrigan.” _ A thousand years and never would I praying saying her name.

Her clothes were utterly destroyed to the point that she was nearly naked. The beautiful locks of gold that had once fallen in long tendrils down her back had been cut wickedly short and I gasped remembering how they would tickle my face when I flew her in the early mornings. And the blood -  _ fuck the blood was everywhere. _ And when I took in a deep inhale, I could smell the stench of sex reeking on her. Not Cassian’s work, but  _ theirs _ . They’d fucked her anyway, not just Eris, but the whole lot of them, let their refusals that they’d rather fuck a cow be damned.

But the worst they had saved for her stomach where a single leaf of paper now tarnished with blood and dirt sat nailed to her stomach. The nail was long. The nail was thick. The nail was already rusted. I could tell just from looking at the head of it that stuck out barely a centimeter from below her navel. I saw the note. I saw Keir’s cold release of his own daughter to a fellow monster as he named her too foul and loathsome for his own court.

The wrath that birthed within me sent a wail so anguished I was sure not a single creature in Prythian did not hear it. The forest around me shook and my shadows fled in despair as my body folded over and my hands gripped Morrigan’s frail body. I did not stop until I realized the black I saw in my vision was not a shadow passing over me, just my own stupid mind so warped with pain it had ceased to function.

I reached a hand out and Truth-Teller found its way into my hold. I sheathed it without bothering to clean the blade and then carefully, my fingers touched the nailhead. Morrigan jerked with a loud moan instantly as I tried to remove it, but she did not open her eyes and her face was a storm of pain as I pulled. I was so shocked by her sudden signs of life that I almost stopped, but I knew the nail had to come out. I couldn’t fly her knowing it still burrowed within her trying to take her life away.

With my free hand, I gripped her own hand and squeezed, murmuring her name over and over again to keep myself sane. “Morrigan,” I said and slowly the nail slid out. “Morrigan, Morrigan,  _ Morrigan _ .”

Her face slackened into its deadened state once the nail was freed and I checked her pulse frantically thinking she meant to well and truly leave me then, but she was still alive. I scooped her up and then we were in the skies flying faster than magic itself to meet Rhysand at the border where I knew he’d find us. Dawn had just crested the sun over the horizon as we met the first faint pink rays of light.

Hope.

“Look, Morrigan,” I said reaching down to whisper in her ear. “The sun’s up. It’s your favorite time of day.” My voice broke and still she did not open her eyes. “P-please wake up,” I said, squeezing her body against me a little harder as my tears renewed themselves with vigor. “The sun’s come up, j-just for  _ you _ .”

Feebly, her eyes opened, mere slits. But they didn’t see the sun. “Ah-zriel,” was all she managed to choke out, barely any voice at all, but my simple name on her lips was enough to keep me hoping. Her hand twitched like she would move it somewhere, but couldn’t complete turning the thought into action. “Az…” she whispered and then she was out again.  


And with more pain than I knew was possible to feel for someone, I flew my Morrigan home.

* * *

I woke up sitting upright in a wingback chair. My eyes were too groggy to open and that’s when it hit me how tired my body was. I mentally ticked off the mileage I’d accrued and the hours I’d spent awake working my body against reason to the death to find her.

Morrigan.

My eyes shot open in a panic as I recalled everything that had happened. I got up having to find her, to see her and know if she was okay, that she hadn’t  _ died _ … but when I stood, she was already there before me sleeping peacefully on a large canopy bed with white silk sheets. I imagined the fabric must have felt cool against her skin.

“She’ll be okay,” a voice said tragically and my head swiveled to find Rhysand sitting adjacent to me in a wingback chair that was a twin to my own. He was staring at his cousin, his elbows resting on either knee as he leaned forward, his chin sat on top of his fisted hands. It was a far cry from how I’d last seen him as the memory of returning to the Night Court came back to me.

Rhysand had winnowed us in - to a small townhouse overlooking a city I’d never seen before - and I had exploded. As soon as the healer had taken Morrigan out of my arms, I was begging Rhysand to winnow me back to the Autumn Court and the Court of Nightmares so I could slaughter them all. He’d had to use magic to subdue me I realized as I fought both physically and mentally against him to win, but in the end he was stronger. I didn’t give up until my body shut down on me and I passed out from the toll of exhaustion my anger had taken.

Never again would I let him see me crumble like that. Never would any of them see it, I swore on my life and hers not to fall apart again lest it be the last thing I do. For her, I would be strong and silent as the grave.

“The healers said she’ll make a full recovery,” Rhysand continued. “But there was poison on the nail, so the magic will take longer to work. When she wakes up, she’ll be in immense pain.”

His voice was monotone, dead as if the healers had told him she would die anyway. His head turned to me after a sorrowful pause had passed. “Thank you for finding her,” he said in an exhausted voice and a great sigh of relief went out of him.

“I would have gone to the ends of the world and back to find her,” I replied.

His lips crinkled with a flicker of… something. “I know you would have.” It made me wonder if he knew why. He stood and this time, he was no longer the High Lord’s son directing me on a great rescue mission for his court, but simply Rhysand - my friend, my brother. “I have to go talk to Cassian. He’s not taking this well given his... involvement. I’ll leave you to her.”

And then I was alone while Morrigan slept. I half regretted Rhysand leaving. The idea of being alone with Morrigan now that we were both free to be whomever and whatever we wanted without consequence felt terrifying. I’d failed her entirely. Keir had been not more than ten feet from me for most of an evening when I’d visited with Rhysand. I could have killed him then and there and saved Morrigan from such an awful fate.

I had told her once I would get her out if I could and when the moment came, I failed. It didn’t matter what ideas the shadows had planted in my mind. It didn’t matter that the blade was strapped to my back. It didn’t matter that I had enough power with my body alone to make Keir suffer death a thousand times over because the opportunity had come, I knew I should take it, but my guilt stopped me and I failed her.

And now the new guilt that found me was going to kill me. I stumbled to Morrigan’s side. Her cheeks were so pale as her body struggled to regenerate the blood it had lost. That blood was on my hands. This wasn’t Cassian’s fault or her’s or Keir’s or Eris’ or anyone else’s. It was mine. Entirelly, all my fault because I could have spared her, but I didn’t.

My chest bent forward, my head cradled in my hands as I shook. I did not stop until a weak whine met my ears.

“Azriel,” Morrigan whispered and my head snapped up. Her face was scrunched together. Rhysand had said she would be in pain when she woke, but I still hated to see it. A whimper escaped her lips, her eyes closing again as bitter agony took over. “It hurts...” She sighed and her body began to curl up on itself, which only made the wounds in her stomach cry out more. “Touch me,” she said suddenly through the pain.

“What?” I asked, not sure I understood what she wanted. My throat felt raw and dry.

“Touch me. Hold me.  _ Do something _ . Anything to make it stop.” A sob racked through her body and a hand flew to her face to cover the grief intensifying there. I couldn’t hold her for risk of making her wounds agitate further, but that didn’t leave much for me to touch. I swore under my breathe and moved around to the other side of the bed so I could climb up. As gently as I could manage, I laid down beside her and scooted my body as close to hers as I dared.

I had nothing left to give her, nothing left to take away the pain. So I gave her the only thing that had come to me when my pain had seemed insurmountable.

My far hand stretched out across my body in Morrigan’s direction and a shy shadow crawled hesitantly down my arm coming to pause on the palm of my hand.  _ GO _ , I commanded and it slid in a hurried, silky shot off of me to wrap itself around Morrigan. The pain did not leave her, but it did not intensify either and the hand covering her face relaxed a bit.

“How did you do it?” she asked.

“Do what?” I asked, again failing to understand her meaning.

Her free hand lying next to me groped on the bed searching until it found mine and when it did, the fingers rubbed hard over the rough scars and callouses that plagued my skin.  _ How did you do it? How did you survive this pain? _ That was what her searching hand asked mine.

I didn’t speak, not at first. I didn’t know what to say anymore to her or anyone. I’d spent ten years living as a fool thinking I could heal from the horrors of my childhood only to find out I was wrong. Some things you can never heal from. Some things will go away for a short while only to come back to haunt you in worse and more terrifying ways.

But I had to give Morrigan something, so I gave her the only certainties I had left.

“I didn’t,” I said in reply to her initial question. “Not everyday. Some days were a flood of darkness and torment so deep, I never thought they’d let me go. But eventually, you find something worth going on for and you choose to follow it out of the deep. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.”

I fell silent again listening to the sound of her breathing deepen as she began to drift back towards sleep. But a few minutes later, she spoke again with another question. “What did you find?” she asked. “What was worth you fighting for?”

A flash of memory burst in my mind: the sunlight on her hair, how soft her skin was against my neck as she pressed into me and we flew, her laughter loud and brimming with optimism and hope in my ear as she showed me how to feel the sun when most of my life had been nothing but the freezing cold of ice. I shook my head, glad her eyes were closed and she couldn’t see the struggle playing out on my face.

“I found a light in the darkness,” I said quietly. “It led me out.” Next to me, a small, soft smile settled on Morrigan’s face. “Don’t let the hard days win, Morrigan.” She squeezed my hand and fell back to sleep.

xx


End file.
